My pee is radioactive from the injection for the bone scan. The technician suggested that I “flush twice” after I use the toilet. Like I don’t have to do that already. Ha ha,just kidding.
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My husband,Mr. Stable-Minded,has insisted on coming with me to get the results of yesterday’s scans. I don’t want to use the word “crazy” to describe his state of mind,but let’s just say that I didn’t trust him to drive to the appointment. We arrived at the Breast Clinic and were ushered into an examination room. Dr. G walked in wearing a very well tailored suit. (I noticed this before. It seems that the Doctors at The Mayo Clinic should win some sort of “Best Dressed” award. They all dress impeccably.) He sat down and pulled up the radiology images on his computer. The mammograms and ultrasounds that were taken showed a much clearer picture of the tumor in my breast. The tumor is approximately 3.3 inches wide. The bone scan showed a strange shadow in my pelvic bone and two vertabrae in my spine. This does not necessarily mean that the spots are cancer,but we need to investigate some more. The chest x-ray came back clear. The doctor examined me again,paying close attention to the lymph nodes in my arm pit. My husband,looking a little bit shaken,started firing questions at Dr. G. “I know you can’t formally stage Karen’s cancer,but based on the information that you have now,can you do a clinical staging?” Dr. G helped me sit up as he addressed Michael’s question. “I would clinically stage her at Stage 2b.” “Oh my God,Karen! 2b??!!! 2b???!!! That means it’s spread to your lymph nodes!! Oh this is bad. This is bad.” Obviously,Dr. G didn’t realize that he was dealing with a hypochondriac who probably reads more about disease than the average family practitioner. Michael had been compulsively Googling cancer since I first felt the lump. (Before he had my lump,Michael spent his spare time reading about infectious disease, you know,for fun.) Sensing Michael’s rising anxiety levels,Dr. G quickly interjected,“I meant to say Stage 2a. Really,I misspoke. I would say 2a at this point.” “2a? Are you sure? Because you just said 2b. I very distinctly heard you say 2b! Which is it?” (Again,the attorney routine. The doctors are going to grow tired of this. This is a consultation,not a deposition.) Honestly,I think Michael was beginning to unnerve Dr. G. Thankfully,having been married to Michael for 4 years and having known him for 11,I’ve developed an immunity to his antics. I had to tell him what I’ve told him so many times over the years. “Michael,really. Just cope and adjust. Ok?” We left shortly after that. Dr. G wants me to get a few more tests. He thinks that I could benefit from a CT scan of my lungs. (We still need to get to the bottom of what is making me cough so much.) He also wants a scan of the shadowy spots that showed up on my bone scan. Finally,he ordered a breast MRI. This sucks. I had to be at The Mayo Clinic at 7:00 this morning. This means,that I had to wake up at 5:30 to get there on time,and I was still about 10 minutes late because I underestimated traffic. I don’t know how people do it every day. I had road rage just from driving in traffic once. (Oh,I should say that I work from home. So it’s not like I don’t drive;I just never have to do it in rush hour.) My anger might have something to do with the fact that I was told to “fast” this morning before my CT scans. I don’t do very well with fasting. Just ask my husband. He’s in charge of my feedings. Anyway,today I had several tests,and I don’t mind telling you that I’m exhausted. When I arrived,I ran down to the Lower Level Radiology Department and checked in for my first CT Scan. A nurse called my name shortly after and handed me what she called my “morning hour cocktail”. She lied;there wasn’t any booze in there at all. I sucked down a thick and disgusting white banana flavored Barium “drink”. Then I was told to wait. Nearly 30 minutes later,I was led to an area so that I could change into a gown. Then a nurse sat me down so that she could administer an IV. (An IV? Nobody told me there would be needles involved!) Apparantly with CT scans,“contrasts” are used to help outline different areas of the body. The barium drink that I was given would help my digestive tract to show up on the scan. An iodine IV would help my blood vessels and lungs to show up on the scan. I was pricked in the arm with the IV and they capped it off. Then they led me to a room where the CT Scan was located and I was instructed to lie down. I was positioned on the table and the nurse hooked up the IV line to a bag of saline. At the opportune moment,the iodine would be fed through my vein causing me to feel flush and to feel like I just peed my pants. Goody! The nurse left the room and the scan began. The table moved into the tunnel of the machine. I just closed my eyes and waited. A women’s voice (was it the nurse? was it a recording? I couldn’t tell…) was instructing me to breathe in,breathe out,hold my breath,and so on. Finally,the Iodine injection came and a flash of warmth raced through my body down to my bladder. I was absolutely certain that I pissed myself. Again,the voice badgered me about breathing and not breathing and then it was all over. The nurse un-hooked my IV and removed the needle from my arm. I jumped down off of the table and made a bee-line for the bathroom,but to my confusion I was completely dry. No accidents after all! With that test out of the way,I had some time to kill before my next appointment. Thankfully,my fasting was officially over,so I went to the cafeteria to eat. On a side note,I would just like to say that The Mayo Clinic has the best cafeteria in the world,ever. I mean,this isn’t your average hospital crap. My husband actually says he wishes it wasn’t 30 minutes away,or he’d eat there every day. 2 eggs cooked to order,hash browns,bacon and a Snapple: $3.85 My next test was an Echocardiogram and EKG. I have a great pulse and blood pressure,so these tests were no big deal. I actually found it to be quite relaxing. The tech placed several nodes on my chest and basically took an ultrasound of my heart. She had the lights dimmed while I layed there and I would have fallen asleep if she hadn’t have had to smear the cold ultrasound gel all over me. When that test was finished,I had about another 2 hours to kill. I visited the gift shop and wandered around looking at all of the art on the walls. Then I sat in the lobby and listened to the piano player in the main lobby while I read. Finally,at long last,it was time for my Breast MRI. Another IV. Just great. This time,at least the dye wouldn’t make me feel like I needed a diaper. MRI’s are very very loud. I was given a pair of head phones along with a list of CD’s to choose from. The test would take about 30-40 minutes,so they wanted me to be as relaxed as possible.
At long last,my day of cancer testing was over. I drove home and took a nap. All of that waiting around to be poked by needles can really wear a person out. | ||||||
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This time,I was told to lay face down on the table with my gown opened so that my breasts would fit into an opening of the table (there was something very perverted about that table). My arms were raised over my head so my position was like that of a topless
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